


Speak now

by lilucath



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Song Inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 06:06:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3680814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilucath/pseuds/lilucath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Why do you still want to marry him?” Lexa could hear the desperation and frustration in her own voice, even though she was trying hard to hide it from her. (Clarke x Lexa)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Speak now

“Why do you still want to marry him?” Lexa could hear the desperation and frustration in her own voice, even though she was trying hard to hide from her. 

“Because... with him. It's easy. We've been together since high school. He has always been there for me. He is a good person. He loves me.” The blonde's words seemed not only to be a try to convince Lexa but Clarke as well. 

“Do you love him?” She ran her hand through her hand, obviously shaken up. 

Clarke didn't answer, she just stared at the ground and played with the zipper of her jacket. 

“Clarke.” Her voice softened. “Clarke, please answer me. Do you love him?” She had taken a step towards her, ran her hands down Clarke’s arms and linked their fingers together. 

“Don't! Don't ask me that.” Abruptly she lifted her head and Lexa could see that her eyes had started tearing up. Seeing the blue of Clarke's eyes now over shadowed by a look of despair she couldn't help herself but to stroke across the girl’s cheek catching a tear that was rolling down her face leaving behind a wet trail of desperation. Her anger seemed to disappear at the sight of the sadness in the girl's eyes, her face softening for a moment. Yet the next thought that crossed her mind ignited the flame of rage again and she had to take a step back, her fists clenched on her side. 

“He invited be to your wedding. He came by the office and invited me to your weeding. He said you were constantly talking about me, but for some reason, you refused to tell him, why you didn't want to invite me. So he decided to just do it himself. God dammit, you never told him, did you? You never told him that you were sleeping with me.” 

Once again Clarke didn't answer and refused to meet Lexa's eyes. The girl's reaction seemed to trigger something inside her and her anger turned into disbelieve. 

“You still want to marry him, because you still just want easy. You don't want love, it scares you too much. To do something that isn't easy, something you have to fight for... Someone you have to fight for.” She was now shaking her head, her fingers nestling through her hair, slightly pulling it, trying to make some sense out of the blonde behavior. “I can't do this anymore, Clarke... Goodbye.” 

Her feet were heavy as she turned around, each step getting harder with the growing distance between Clarke and herself. 

“Lexa, wait. Please.” The desperation in her voice tore Lexa's insides apart, she felt her heart rip open with every meter she got between herself and the blonde. Still she couldn't stop walking, too big the anger at the girl and herself. She had allowed herself to be vulnerable and had gotten hurt again. Her own stupidity fueled her rage and frustration and she could feel herself to start running. All she needed was to get away from the girl who had managed to cracked down the walls she had built after what happened with Costia. 

  


The next month, she buried herself in work, trying to get her mind away from Clarke, but every night those blue eyes came back to haunt her, making it impossible for her to forget her smile, the way she laughed, how she stemmed her hands on her hips when she got angry, the feeling of her lips against Lexa's. The only relief she got was when she went to the gym, running on the treadmill for hours until her legs collapsed underneath her. And yet still even when her legs couldn't stop shaking from exhaustion and her heart throbbed in her ears, the other girl refused to leave her thoughts. 

  


With the weekend of the wedding approaching a dark cloud hung over her, her mood reaching to a new low. 

For a reason unknown to her, Lexa found herself standing in the back of the church, half hidden behind the curtains, wondering about how she got here and why on earth she would even want to be here.

She could see Clarke's friends Jasper and Monty standing in one of the front rows laughing about something the girl on Jasper's arm had said. Lexa believed to remember her name to be Maia. 

The moment the organ started to play caused everyone to take a seat, the last murmurs died and Lexa sat down in one of the back rows, still asking herself why she would put herself through this. 

The last days had been hell on earth for her, every waking hour spend trying to get her mind away the girl who had managed to rip apart the shell she had buried herself in, only to be thrown back under the bus.

Her insides were numb, everything that was happening around her seemed to be the life of somebody else. 

Someone else watched Raven and Octavia walk down the aisle, one after the other, a small bouquet in their hands, the blue of their dresses matching perfectly to the flowers in their hands. 

Someone else's heart stopped beating when they saw a blonde girl step into the church through a small side door, dressed in a white wedding gown. A veil flowing down her back, held in place with a headband adorned with white and blue flowers. Someone else noticed that her hands were clenched around the bouquet so hard her knuckles had lost all their color. Someone else saw that the spark in her blue eyes that usually could light up a whole room was missing. Someone else saw right through the fake smile that her lips were forming. 

The moment Abby placed Clarke's hand in his hands, her body finally started to feel like her own again. The blood was rushing behind her ears making it impossible to understand anything the preacher said. Until one sentence cut through the rushing in her head. 

“...speak now or forever hold your peace.” 

Once again her body refused to listen to her and she found herself slowly standing up. Lexa's hands were shaking and she could feel the horrified looks of everyone else in the room on her. Yet her own eyes were fixed on the blond girl in front of the altar, who let go of the hands of the boy who she was standing across from as Lexa could see the change in her eyes as she realized who had interrupted the ceremony. 

Before she could bring herself to open her mouth and speak the words that probably would not only destroy her own future, but also the life of two people who are about to get married, she turned on her heel and fled out of the church. 

As the heavy wooden door closed behind her, she could feel the tears running down her cheeks. Waves of desperation, hopelessness, anger rolling over her, her body shaking of the force of feelings crashing down on her. 

Desperation about the hole that gaped, where once her heart had been.  
Frustration that she lost Clarke and probably her own mind.  
Anger that she fell for Clarke, that she allowed herself to let her in. 

Behind her she heard the church door open and close, but she was too broken to care about it. The soft touch of two hands laying down on her shoulders turning her around, startled her for a second, but as soon as she recognized the blue eyes that stared into green eyes now hidden behind a curtain of tears, could feel the weight that had pressed on her chest for the last few weeks, making it hard for her to breathe, disappear. Two hands cupped her cheeks and her tears were wiped away by two thumbs stroking over and over across her skin.

“You were right. I don't love him. I was just too scared for what would happen if I left him. I don't love him.” 

Soft lips were pressed against her own and she could feel Clarke mumbling: “I don't love him, Lexa. Please believe me.” 

She was still in too much shock to kiss back, but as she felt Clarke's lips leaving her own, her heart ached again. Her arms finally had found enough strength to wrap around her waist, pulling her closer, refusing to let the blonde out of her embrace any time soon. 

“I don't love him. I... I love you. I have always been yours. From the moment we met.” 

To hear those words leave the girl's lips, the last bit of Lexa's doubt left her mind and pure bliss took over. Without spending another thought about the world around them she closed the distance between them once again, crashing her lips on Clarke's. The movement of the girl’s lips against hers, made up for the last weeks of pain. 

As the need for air got too demanding, they had to break the kiss, pressing their foreheads together, not wanting to miss another opportunity to feel the other's touch. 

“Let's get out of here.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Taylor Swift - Speak now
> 
> If you have any suggestions or questions or just want to yell at me, come talk to me on tumblr.   
> http://lilucath.tumblr.com


End file.
